Tooth and Nail
by MilesAboveFantasy
Summary: Alex is tasked with a mission that he can finally enjoy - infiltrating his school's LGBT Club. But where MI6 is involved, a simple mission always turns into life or death - for millions. Post Skeleton Key.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Tooth and Nail

 **Summary:** Alex is tasked with a mission that he can finally enjoy - infiltrating his school's LGBT Club. But where MI6 is involved, a simple mission always turns into life or death - for millions. Post Skeleton Key.

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

"I'm going to be blunt with you, Alex," Alan Blunt said… well, bluntly.

Alex Rider chuckled softly to himself, unable to keep his mouth shut. "I would hope so. I don't believe we've ever met under disguise." It was a bad habit in the face of authority, but at least the head of MI6 wouldn't kill him for his humor. Well, probably.

Alex had received the call this morning before heading to school. He was still recovering from his time at Skeleton Key, but he already knew the truth. MI6 didn't care. They needed his help and 'no' wasn't an answer. The only relief in all of this was that Mrs. Jones was smiling softly. He hoped that it was a sign that this mission would be less miserable than the ones in the past.

Regardless, he had no intent to make this easy for them.

"I don't work for you," Alex reminded them. "So go ahead and tell me the mission so that I can refuse. Then pretend to be nice while you blackmail me."

Blunt frowned. "Your assignment is hardly something that you will refuse."

"Not likely," Alex retorted.

Blunt ignored him. "Your mission will take place at Brookland."

Alex felt his heart stop. No. His school life was supposed to be separate and sacred. "What?" he growled. He didn't speak further as he knew that only swears would follow.

Blunt signaled for Mrs. Jones to take over. The dark skin woman took a step forward and placed a file in front of Alex. "We have been researching a man named Leonel Smith. We believe he wishes to harm a great number of school children."

Alex was quiet for a moment, angry with himself. He wanted nothing more than to be done with his spy life, but he couldn't allow school children to be hurt, particularly if Brookland was a potential target. As much as he hated to admit it, he was in. He gulped. "Tell me more."

Alex forced himself to ignore the almost sadistic grin on Blunt's face. Alex knew he was imagining it if for no other reason than the fact that Blunt wasn't capable of emotion.

"Smith was a staunch leader of the anti-gay movement in the 90s. Recently, he has attempted to right those wrongs by forming an LGBT Youth group here in London."

"Sounds like he has had a change of heart," Alex deadpanned.

Blunt grunted. "Intelligence doesn't like changes of heart. It is hardly unheard of for an individual to pretend to support a minority group so that he can get inside an organizations meant to help, and instead cause them harm. Naturally, we investigated and found information connecting him to an international crime syndicate - for your sake, I won't tell you more."

"And?" Alex asked.

"We would like you to investigate further for us. We know he has criminal ties, but no idea what his plan is, or for certain, that anything nefarious is occurring."

"You want me to go snoop out his offices?"

Blunt shook his heads. "Much simpler. If you are lucky, you won't have to do anything a normal student doesn't have to do."

"Where have I heard that before?" Alex grumbled.

Blunt ignored him. "Our plan for you is to join your school's LGBT club this week."

Alex frowned. "Brookland has an LGBT club?"

Blunt looked to Mrs. Jones. "Perhaps we have taken him away from school for too long… anyway, yes, Alex, Brookland has an LGBT organization. A bit behind the times with a title like LGBT club, but it will suffice for our needs. You are to attend and become a trusted member within two weeks. With your record, convincing your school mates that you are one of them should be easy - in fact, I imagine you want nothing more."

"How am I supposed to, uh, infiltrate?" Alex made a face. The thought of lying to his classmates pained him. His scowl deepened at the unintended pun.

"Attend, either as an LGBT student or an ally - meaning, you are a heterosexual male who supports your LGBT classmates. Take your pick. We trust your judgement." He paused for a moment. "In two weeks time, there is a conference in Central London held by Leonel Smith. All of London's LGBT organizations are invited, particularly those of youth groups."

"And if everything goes to plan, I'll just be a normal kid?" Alex asked, more to reassure himself than anything.

"If all goes to plan," Mrs. Jones said kindly. "I'll escort you down to Smithers."

Alex nodded and followed her to the elevator. Neither said goodbye to Blunt. After they got on the elevator, Mrs. Jones spoke.

"Is school going well? How are you after your last mission?"

"Fine," Alex said plainly. "I dream about it sometimes. His brains all over the ground."

"I'm sorry," Mrs. Jones said.

Alex snorted. "I was joking. Mostly." He left it at that, hoping to push the past behind him. He knew that MI6 would approach him again. It was almost a fact. He was just glad that this mission would allow him to be himself.

They got off the elevator and Alex led the way to Smither's office. He wasn't sure if he was leading to avoid eye contact, or if he wasn't sure that Mrs. Jones knew where his office was. Who knew how emotionally distant agents kept themselves.

Alex smiled as he entered the room and Smither's jolly face lit up. Smithers was always on his side, despite the hell that MI6 often caused him.

"Come on in boy - and Mrs. Jones! Welcome!"

"What do you have for me today, Mr. Smithers?"

"First, let's decide on your disguise. Are you heading in as a gay teen or a straight ally."

Alex thought for a moment. "I don't have any gay friends, to my knowledge, so I don't think straight ally would work. I guess I am okay going undercover as gay."

"Good, good. I thought this would be the best disguise, but I wanted you to decide on your identity yourself."

"Thanks," Alex said.

"Well, first up is this," Smithers said as he held up a book titled 'Coming Out As a Gay Teen.'

"What does it do?" Alex asked.

"You read it." Smithers grinned. "And, maybe, just maybe, it is a recording device. I took the liberty of placing your name on the title page - don't worry, we have your hand writing on record. Leave the book sitting around and it will record everything it hears. It will fit your disguise as a teen coming out so no one will question it. Better yet, they will return it to you!"

Alex gulped, the reality hitting him that this mission was in real life. He would be coming out at school and he wasn't even sure what he felt. He had never held anti-gay feelings and didn't find guys repulsive, but neither did he actively find them hot. Unless they were athletes… Wimbledon had been a fun experience in many ways. He had to wonder now if he had stared at the bodies of the tennis stars out of admiration or attraction.

"Anything else?" Alex asked.

"Just one," Smithers said, holding up a pen. "This pen behaves in every way like a normal pen, however, the tip is made of diamond. You can write with it, but press just a little bit harder and you can cut through anything."

"Fancy."

"Right it is! And one last thing about this mission that is special," Smithers said looking to Mrs. Jones. "She will serve as your guardian during the conference. You will be a child on an official school trip, so you will need a chaperon."

Mrs. Jones nodded curtly.

Alex frowned. "Why can't Jack do it?"

Smithers grinned. "Good idea, they can go together. It will better sell your disguise if you have lesbian mothers."

"From zero to none," Alex said under his breath. Then he turned to Mrs. Jones. "Are you trying to rewrite my life? Knowing you, I wouldn't be surprised if that were the real purpose of this all."

Mrs. Jones shook her head. "Hardly. I assure you Alex, the threat to these children may very well be real. It would cause untold harm to society and the civil rights movement if harm is permitted. The American gay rights movement is still suffering from missing twenty years worth of people due to the AIDS crisis of the 80s."

Alex nodded. "You don't have to convince me. I wouldn't forgive myself if I let harm come to people."

Mrs. Jones smiled faintly. "You are beginning to understand."

"Unfortunately."

* * *

Alex laid in bed flipping through the book that Smithers had given him. Never did he expect to be reading a book about coming out as gay. At first, it felt like a matter of research, but now the book was really getting to him. Ever since the thought crossed his mind that he found the shirtless athletes at Wimbledon attractive, the thought of being gay started nagging at him. He didn't mind, not really. Ian had never taken him to a particularly hard core church and always taught him to be open to all people and ways of life.

He couldn't deny that the way he felt for Sabina and the athletes were different. Sabina was someone he liked because he felt like he was supposed to. She was pretty, a year older than him, and held an air of someone five years her senior. She was probably experienced too, he remembered James whispering dirtily in his ear.

 _Damning for me_ , Alex thought. He had barely thought of sex with Sabina past jealousy of her interest in older men - the tennis players he liked as well.

He had never really had many _feelings_ before then - a sign, according to the book. Where other boys had talked lewdly about girls for nearly two years now, Alex had barely thought about it. Porn did little for him… He would have to make sure to look up some gay stuff next time Jack was out.

He was still nervous though. He would be coming out at school tomorrow, more or less. He was going to show up to the Wednesday afternoon meeting of the LGBT club, and if he was asked, he was going to come out with it.

"I'm gay."

It felt weird on his tongue, and his eyes shot to the door to make sure that it was closed. He knew that Jack wouldn't mind, but it was still a scary thought to him. A part of him wanted to come out before the meeting tomorrow. It would make his disguise a little more realistic if he had practiced. He could tell Jack in the morning, and then Tom and James at lunch. Tom almost certainly wouldn't mind; he had mentioned that his brother dated a guy once. James was another story. He and James weren't as close as Tom was to either of them, but they were friends. It couldn't go that badly.

Alex sighed. Mostly, he didn't want Jack to find out some other way. She deserved to know straight from him. She deserved to know first.

Well, after him, of course.

A part of him wanted to crawl out of bed and go talk to her now, but they could do it in the morning. It was already after 11 PM. He closed the book and placed it on the nightstand, and turned off the lamp next to it.

He would think about it until he passed out. He would think about the hairless chest of the Wimbledon players and their chiseled abs…

He slipped his hands into his underpants and knew this was a part of the situation he could never tell Jack.

* * *

This is just an idea I wanted to write. I have the villain planned out and some other plot points, but other than that, I am writing this as I go.

This story will have the teen rating, primarily because of that last paragraph. Implied sexual content without any real sexual mention. There will likely be no further sexual content; there may be kissing.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**

Well, this chapter covered a lot less than I expected. Approximately 2 of the 7 sentences of the outline I had. However, my goal is to keep the chapters at just over 2k words a piece. The chapter split well at the end. This story may be long than I expected!

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

Alex awoke with surprising enthusiasm. He had come to a decision before falling asleep and was ready to talk to Jack. The fact that he needed a shower a little more than usual due to his 'experiment' was a secondary concern.

After his shower, he put his school clothes on - the bland black dress jacket and khakis - and went out into the hallway to be greeted by a surprised Jack.

"You're up early, and surprisingly awake, I might add," Jack said.

Alex nodded and signaled for her to take the stairs down first.

"And a gentleman. You're growing up."

Alex grinned wildly as he followed her downstairs. He watched as Jack made them toast and eggs, but suddenly, as she placed the plate down in front of him, his stomach rolled.

"I'll eat light today." He was nervous. He had to come out to Jack before school, so that left him five, fifteen minutes at a stretch. And even if that went well, he still had to talk to his friend and attend a meeting with a bunch of people he knew nothing about but he was grouped together with. It was all a rush. He was almost shocked. Surely other people had some inkling of who and what they liked long before he did, but he had scarcely thought about anyone much less the same sex. He thought back to how quickly MI6 had made his life a whirlwind and couldn't help but wonder if all of the major changes in life would take him by surprise.

"Hey, Jack," he asked. "I have a question about life."

"Is this the talk? I'm not ready," Jack said, hand over her mouth.

Alex laughed and shook his head. "No, I'm good there. Or, I was anyway." He paused, the fact hitting him that he had a lot to learn about this still. He would be going to a club today. Would he meet friends to talk about it with, or would he be expected to already know everything? Would his cover be blown the moment he walked in the door?

He shook his head. He could read the book during a break at school.

"Does everything always happen so fast?"

Jack finished her piece of toast. "Yes. Yes and no. Sometimes things happen fast. Other times things happen at the right speed. Look at my life. College was fast paced. Every day was new and different. And then I came to work for you and your uncle and my life changed completely. Every day was like a new adventure until it all became normal. Me, I had never taken care of a kid before. Things were scary and new at first, but then it just became normal. The way things were. The last five years have been mostly stagnant, honestly. Up until," she stabbed at her eggs with a fork. "I don't even have to tell you." She shook her head angrily. "Is this about MI6 and Ian? I meant what I said. If you want to talk about anything, and I mean anything, let me know."

Alex nodded. "Yeah, yeah. I was thinking about it. All of the changes in my life lately have been fast. Ian died, then MI6 decided my life was theirs for the taking. And now…"

Jack slammed her hand on the table angrily. "Don't tell me they asked you to work for them again. You are still recovering from the last time. You still haven't told me what had you so upset when you returned."

Alex winced, the image of Alexei Sarov in his mind, a gun held to his head. The sound of the piercing shot that Alex swore had crossed through his body but came nowhere near. The same shot that blew its handler's brain out, a sight that would scar Alex for the rest of his life. No one who wanted to be his father ever did a very good job of it.

Alex exhaled and looked at Jack. "Yes, but it isn't that bad this time."

Jack growled. "What are they blackmailing you with this time?"

Alex blushed. Technically, he had volunteered. "They aren't blackmailing me, but I have no choice. They believe London school children are being targeted… again."

"When do you leave?"

Alex smiled softly. "I don't, this time. I am going undercover at school."

"How?" Jack's voice was almost a yelp.

Alex gulped. "They believe someone is targeting the LGBT students of London. A Leonel Smith."

Jack nodded. "I've heard of him, even is the States. Dreadful man. I mean, he is nothing compared to the awful men in America who want to electrocute the 'gay' out of people, but still. I am just saying, if he were in the desert and asked me to spit on him… okay, I'd probably still spit on him. But still."

Alex laughed. "So you do agree I should try to stop him."

Jack nodded cautiously. "I hate to admit it, but…"

"So you know that means I have to go undercover at school. As a gay kid."

"Makes sense. Will the other kids at school know? You won't be bullied, will you? MI6 is so horrible, making you mess up your personal life for work. But the kids. You can't let them get hurt. I just can't-" Jack stopped in mid-sentence, looked at Alex, and blinked slowly.

"You seem calm," Jack finally said.

"I'm sweating through my shirt, actually," Alex said.

"Are you trying to tell me about a sudden change that came out of nowhere."

Alex gulped as Jack looked him up and down. He could see it in her eyes and the careful smile that spread across her face. "Surprise."

Jack stood up and pulled him into a hug. "I am so glad you told me. You didn't think I would reject you, did you? I grew up in D.C. Alex. Super fucking gay. I may or may not have had an experience or two myself. But besides that, you have to know that I would always love. Promise to never feel nervous to tell me anything. I'll always be here for you."

Alex nodded into her chest. He hadn't realized how nervous he was until the weight was lifted off of his shoulders. "I know. I can always count on you. You were just the first person I told. I am not certain about anything yet. I never thought about it before until-"

"Those awful MI6 people decided that your sexuality is a toy for them too. I swear, Alex, if they try to make use your body, you say no and run away. I'll sneak you right off to America and we'll hide. I…"

Alex stopped her once his blush at her wild suggestion died down. "No, I think this mission is clear of anything too complicated. They even want you to involved, and they wouldn't let that happen if it were too dangerous."

"Okay. Okay. How can I help?"

"You are my guardian. You'll need to accompany me to the conference that Smith is holding in two weeks. We'll be attending as part of the Brooklands LGBT club."

"Makes sense."

"Mrs. Jones will be coming along as well. You will be undercover as her partner."

Jack squinted. "Partner. I don't have the training, I… ohhh. Simple enough. You'll be our little Alex-poo off on his first big field trip."

Alex glared at her, though he couldn't keep the mirth off of his lips. "I'll pass on the nickname if it's all the same to you."

* * *

Breakfast had gone better than expected, Alex thought as he biked to school. He knew that Jack loved him so he hadn't been too worried. But still, to know that Jack accepted him, in reality, was great. Any doubts he had that about Jack - that she loved him, yes, but was just staying around because she thought she had no choice after Ian died - were erased. She was staying because she cared. In a way, she was as much of a mother as a big sister.

Alex turned his bike at the last minute to avoid a car and fought the shudder of revulsion that traveled through his body as the car honked at him. The horn was ear piercing, and though he would never admit it, it sent the same sharp chill down his spine as the gunshot from his nightmares.

Thoughts of the final moments in Murmansk haunted his mind for the rest of the ride to school. He slowed down a bit to avoid another near miss and blocked out all of the other school children as he crossed the yard and locked his bike up. He was halfway back across the yard when Tom ran up to him.

"You're back, mate," he said.

Alex smiled, happy that Tom had been worried about him. It had been a poor move, but Alex had decided to inform Tom that he had a meeting with the bank - which he knew nothing about - and might be away for a while to deal with family stuff. It was a poor excuse, but Tom wasn't quite bright enough to question it. At best, it would let Tom know that he wasn't sick in bed and ignoring him. Alex placed his hand over his stomach to convince anyone who might be looking that he was still sore from his last absence. Alex couldn't recall what lie MI6 had come up with, so the rest of his classmates would have no idea either.

"So, do you have any secrets to tell me?" Tom asked as they walked into the school.

Alex's step faltered for a moment, but it was something Tom would never have noticed. He was trained all too well to hide mistakes.

"Secret?" Alex asked. He kept his eyes forward as he walked towards the school, from the grass fields onto the main walkway. His mind was working at a million miles per second. He had reached his conclusion, that Tom's question was not about the thought eating up his mind, by the time Tom spoke half a moment later. How could Tom even begin to suspect the secret he planned to spill at lunch?

"Well, yeah. You said the bank is being spooky with your uncle's will. Did you find out why yet?"

"Nah," Alex said. The word blanketed a sigh of relief. He did have to tell Tom about his gay cover, minus the cover part, but he wasn't quite ready yet. Lunch would be the best opportunity. "Have you seen James?"

Tom snorted. "Probably in early morning detention. He called a girl a dyke. A whole week in there, every morning."

Alex winced. Not a good sign. "That was shitty of him."

"Yeah, it was a bit dumb," Tom admitted. "But it was Amber. She is totally, well, you know. Can't say I blame him."

Alex clenched his fist. This wasn't going as well as he hoped. He expected it to be rough with James, but to be in detention for slurs was beyond what he had expected. And Tom?

"I thought your brother liked guys."

Tom frowned. "Yeah, so?"

Alex shook his head as they walked inside. It was hot and stuffy, the awkward time of Spring where it was warm outside, but also not quite cool inside either.

"He likes guys. So, he is gay. Or bisexual. I don't know the terms." Alex dropped his backpack to the ground in front of his locker and reached inside to check on the book. He would need to read more of it before the meeting at 4pm. He had caught up with his schoolwork since the Caribbeans, so he should have time to sneak in a few chapters throughout the day. He would have to keep it secret until he told his friends, though.

Tom spoke after a while. "Look, I don't care that Jerry likes guys. I just think it is silly for Amber to like girls. She's too pretty for that."

Alex wanted to retort, 'and am I too good looking to like guys?' For once, he kept his mouth shut. He could think of seven quick ways that would backfire. So instead he snorted in a way that would let Tom know he was annoyed.

"She could beat you up for that too."

"Yeah," Tom said. "Umm, don't tell her? Or at least save me?"

"Just be nice and you'll be golden."

"I try."

"You try," Alex acknowledged.

Tom grinned widely. "Don't go gay on me now." He added an exaggerated wink.

Alex relished the nervous look in Tom's eyes as he slammed his locker. "I'll see you at lunch." He walked away.

"We have third period together," Tom said, trying to keep up.

"Yep."

Tom kept following. "I"m sorry for calling you gay. I thought since you defended Amber you would be cool with it. I would never actually think you are gay."

"Later," Alex said.

This was going to be harder than he thought.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

First period was a pain in the ass, Alex thought. Then he frowned at himself before a soft snicker escaped his lips. He would have to stop pulling puns on himself or people would think he was crazy. Or, more crazy than they already did, he noted as the girl sitting next to him gave him a weird look.

"Sorry," he muttered.

The girl's face softened, but he was saved by the bell before she could speak. He wasn't really in the mood to talk to anyone, and he knew that girl was either about to flirt with him or mock him.

Second period was better. It was history, boring as hell, and no one would pay attention if he took a seat at the back of the class and read his book. They would likely assume that he was planning a drug deal or something dumb. Alex shook his head as he walked down the hall. How could they think he was a drug dealer? Have they not seen his angelic face?

Alex smiled to make a point, if only to himself. The cute looks really clashed with his false reputation which left him in the awkward zone of no one taking him seriously.

He arrived to History early to ensure that he got a seat in the back. He had no idea what the topic was. He thought about asking a classmate what they had talked about yesterday so that he could quickly review what he knew about the time period in case he was called out, but decided not to. The role of disinterested student would be played better if he didn't try to sound like he wanted to know what was going on.

Alex took the book out of his backpack in a hurry and laid it flat open on his desk to make sure no one saw the cover. Assuming no one looked too closely, they wouldn't see the title at the top of each page. If last week was any pattern, no one would bother coming that close to him. Alex tuned out the rest of the class as he read, confident that if anyone came up to him that he would notice and divert his attention appropriately.

The first chapter he read was useless, something about not coming out until you are ready and not feeling forced to tell anyone. That might be nice for the average kid, but he had to be an obvious member of the community to fit in well enough to spy. If he just stuck his head in the sand and snuck along for the conference, Smith may be suspicious if he were caught. If he were a well-known member he might be able to pull the lost-kid card more successfully.

The next chapter was more useful to his predicament as it talked about making friends. Talk to those you trust, join a club if you can. The line that caught his attention was something about how everyone had to start somewhere and that there were always those that were looking to help people become comfortable with themselves.

That was a relief. He wouldn't be an outsider before he got there and there would be people to talk about his feeling with. He had just started to read about terminology and different words people used to describe themselves when the teacher called his name.

"Mr. Rider, it is nice to see you have returned to school, but what has you so interested that you feel like reading during class?"

Alex fought the urge to blush. It would be bad to show embarrassment, and perhaps showing some badassery, as Tom like to insist was his reputation, would distract them from his book. "Well, Mr. Reynolds," Alex said as he shut the book and slipped it into his backpack, keeping his palm spread on the cover so no one could see it. "Most things interest me more than class."

Alex winced at his words. Mr. Reynolds only shook his head.

"By some miracle, Alex, you have A's. Please stop distracting your classmates."

Alex had to bite his tongue to stop his retort. 'You're the one distracting the class, dick.' He glared at the teacher for another few minutes and then the bell rang. As he walked into the hallway, he realized that he felt hot. His clothes were a humid blanket over him. It upset him that he had been embarrassed by having been caught reading that book in class, but he comforted himself with the knowledge that most of his classmates assumed he was just being smart with the teacher.

He groaned as he walked into third period, Maths. He was always good with algebra, but Tom was in there and he was still irked with him from their conversation this morning. There was no chance of avoiding Tom either as Tom basically lived off of his help in Maths. Alex nearly snorted at the realization - at least Tom had had to suffer without him for a few weeks this term. Maybe that was fair punishment after all. He would have to give Tom another chance for the day, so Alex put a smile on as his friend sat.

"You okay, dude?" Tom looked a bit guilty, so that was good. There was hope yet.

"I'm fine," Alex said.

"I didn't mean to insult you earlier," Tom muttered, throwing a look over his shoulder. He was bad at being sneaky.

"You didn't," Alex said.

Tom humphed. "So, I heard you got into a row with Mr. Reynolds. Never liked the guy."

"You could say that. How did you hear about that? It was like ten minutes ago."

"Sarah texted me. She wants your number."

"My number?" Alex asked. He didn't even know who Sarah was.

"Your number," Tom said with an exaggerated wink.

"Well, I'm fine if she just sticks to yours. Did you do the maths homework?"

Tom frowned. "Yeah. Way to dodge the subject. It's not every day that a hot girl like Sarah wants your number. I have really been building up your bad boy reputation lately."

"Well don't," Alex said. "I'd rather disappear."

"Well, you are good at that," Tom teased. "Are you ever going to admit to your drug deals while you're gone."

"Nope."

"Oh, come on dude. I saw the bruises. You sooo got into a gang fight. And I saw you holding your stomach early. Knife fights too?"

"I had to poop. Don't think too far into it."

Tom sighed. "I'm going to turn on the news one day and find out you're James Bond, aren't I?"

"He's my dad," Alex admitted.

"Sure."

"Don't believe me then," Alex said as the bell rang. The Maths teacher didn't tolerate talking in class, outside of group work, so he had some reprieve from Tom's blabbering. That scared Alex a little. While he was on missions, he wanted nothing more than to be back with his friends, but now that he was back, he just wanted Tom to go away. Was it because he was afraid of telling him about this sexuality and even more afraid that he was rushing things? This morning had hardly been a good impression. Or was it that he was on a mission now and subconsciously pushing his friend away?

That was a frightening thought. All he wanted since returning form Cornwall was to return to a normal life - to never have to go on a life or death mission again. And here he was, at school, his haven, and not happy to be here. His stomach turned at the memory of Sarov and the terror of the great white at Skeleton Key. Worse yet, the inevitability and horror he felt on the conveyor belt as Conrad let him float towards a death beyond the pain his imagination could conjure.

It wasn't the first time he had considered the thought, but it really struck him now. Was he messed up from all of that? He didn't even have the guts to tell Jack about it, even as he shook in her arms after waking from a nightmare.

All the fear of coming out was gone. All he could think about was how his life would never be the same again. His school wasn't a safe place anymore.

That thought ate at him for the rest of class.

* * *

Lunch was after fourth period. Alex had tried to read more of his book during that class, but couldn't find the will. He was still grumpy from Maths as the reality of the day came crashing down on him. Any hope that he could have a normal life again ended as soon as Blunt asked him to go undercover at school - and worse, Alex was ashamed that it had taken him so long to realize it. In truth, his life had changed when Ian died and he was still learning about the consequences.

His mood was sour as he exited the building. Brooklands had an indoor cafeteria and an outside seating area for meals. Initially, space had been tight for the entire student body, but a few years back they had decided to have two lunch sessions - one before and one after fourth period divided into two years worth of students each - so there was ample room for all. Tom, James, and he always sat outside, short of inclement weather. Today the clouds were grey, which suited him fine. There would be few people around to overhear this conversation.

Alex was the first to arrive. He always was. Punctuality was his middle name, Jack was fond of saying except when she was yelling at him to get out of bed. He was happy to be late for that dreaded activity. Mentioning Jack, he retrieved his bagged lunch from his backpack and pulled it out.

James arrived before Tom, which was a mildly positive turn of events. Alex was closer to Tom as they had known each other longer and had a special connection, but Alex kind of wanted to throw his sandwich at Tom's face for his poor commentary today. The only thing saving his friend was the hunger for said sandwich and understanding that Tom didn't know what he was saying.

"Hey, man," James said as he sat down. "Tom said you were upset that I had detention. I know you hate bullies, and you have to know I didn't mean it like that. Amber and I have just been fighting for a while. I didn't mean for it to go that far."

"Yeah," Alex muttered as Tom came to the table.

"Feeling better, Al?" Tom asked. "You were grumpy all day."

"He does seem to be PMSing," James teased.

Alex growled and promised himself not to let his friend get a rise out of him. "I'm quite fine, thanks." Okay, that was a lie, but not in the way either of his friends would guess.

Tom sighed. "I called him 'gay' earlier and he's been pissy ever since. I'm really sorry, Alex. I thought you would think it was funny too."

Alex chewed on his sandwich.

"Wait, I see what is going on here. Alex is on one of his social justice warrior kicks," James chimed in. "Remember last year when he stopped Lance from bothering that Muslim girl?"

Alex swallowed his food. "And what's wrong with that?"

James frowned. "N-nothing, just that you are one of those 'defend the helpless types.'"

"I repeat, what's wrong with that? Tom's face would be even uglier if I didn't save the helpless."

"Hey!" Tom whined.

James ignored him. "I am sorry for calling Amber a dyke. I promise. Are we good Alex?"

Alex nodded, mildly shocked that James had been so amenable, and looked at Tom.

"What?" the boy asked. "I already apologized for implying you could be gay. I would never hurt your feelings like that."

"What's wrong with being gay?" Alex asked. "You shouldn't assume I would be insulted by it."

Alex saw James stiffen - not good - and Tom just rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Yeah, sorry," Tom said. "Let me know if I insult your, uh, sensibilities."

Alex shook his head. He knew Tom wasn't bright, but he hadn't expected James to be the intelligent one here. He could see from the boy's face that he had started to put the pieces together. The cat would soon be out of the bag if it weren't already.

"You want to make it up to me, Tom?"

Tom nodded so fervently that Alex fought the urge to chuckle. Tom was a good friend if a bit dull. He wanted to make things right.

"Did you know we had an LGBT club at Brooklands? I have been thinking about going. You two should come with me."

James snorted. "As if." He looked as if he wanted to say more, but Alex could see him holding his tongue, literally keeping his lips locked together as they fought to form words.

Tom frowned. "I don't know… Dad would kill me if I did. He is still mad about Jerry. Why do you want to go so bad?"

The dam broke and words spilled from James's mouth. "Cause he's gay." He wasn't thrilled.

Alex shrugged, tapping into his underlying skills to keep the emotion off of his face. "I don't know for certain." He made himself speak loudly so that it wouldn't come out as a whisper. If he let himself appear small, James would pounce.

"All those sleepovers," James muttered with a shake of his head.

Tom was more curious than anything. "Are you sure, Alex. I mean, I want you to be happy, but you were the one who was always into, you know, girl stuff. You taught us how to look up porn and erase our history a few years ago."

"I was a curious boy," Alex said. "It is what makes me who I am."

"Did you not enjoy it?"

"I was more intrigued than anything," Alex admitted with a blush. "I never really, you know…"

"You look up the gay shit yet?" James asked.

Alex frowned. "Haven't had the time. I only realized last night."

"Thinking about me?" James snorted. "I'd suggest actually being sure about this before you go around telling people. Go find a dick to suck so you can realize how gross it is - and I'm not offering."

Alex felt something for James that wasn't as foreign as he would like, a feeling of disgust he felt too often during his missions. "To correct you, I was the one not offering anything."

"He doesn't even have the decency to feel bad. Are you trying to hurt our group, Alex? You have been gone for a month or two this term. It's like you don't even care about our friendship. How are we ever going to hang now out without us thinking you want to see our cocks?"

"You don't have to worry about that," Alex spat.

"Whatever. Tom, let's go," James said as he turned away.

Alex felt a little sputter in his heart as Tom looked at him with sad eyes.

"Alex, I'm not…"

Alex silenced him with a motion. "Go with him. Calm him down." He just wanted to be alone right now.

"I'm not mad at you," Tom continued after a moment.

"You would have no reason to be."

Tom blushed. "That's true…"

"Tom!" James yelled from across the courtyard.

"Go," Alex said.

"Can we talk later?"

Alex nodded slowly. "I'll be at the LGBT meeting this afternoon."

"My dad would kill me," Tom said meekly.

Alex shrugged. "Text me." He let his shoulders fall as he watched Tom leave. He and Tom would be fine, but James? He finished the rest of his food mechanically and tossed his garbage away, promising himself that he would view the rest of the day as a mission.

He wanted to throw up as he realized that would likely apply to the rest of his life.

* * *

Well, next chapter will finally have us at the LGBT meeting. Would you believe it was supposed to be in chapter 2? :P

Please comment/review if you enjoyed :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

'Don't worry. We're still friends and I'll get James on board. I'll talk to Jerry tonight. You okay?'

It was a friendly enough text, but Alex wasn't really in the mood to reply. He was on a mission after all. If his other missions had taught him anything, it was that not everyone was as good as Jack.

The LGBT club meeting was taking place in classroom 204. Alex was still in some distant kind of shock that he had never heard of this club before. He supposed that it made sense that his school had one - it was London after all - but not once had anyone he knew mentioned it.

He peeked through the glass window on the door, a long vertical rectangle that started about five feet above the floor and traveled to two or three inches below the top. His heart beat harshly as he did. It wasn't erratic or anything akin to panic, but he was nervous about stepping into a world that was all new to him. He wracked his brain for facts and could only come up with worries: he was unfamiliar with this world and kind of nervous and hoping to make friends; he wasn't sure of his sexuality but he wanted to find out - he never liked girls like his other friends did after all; and, lastly, he was hoping to find someone to talk to about lunch today.

He gulped. How many people have heard about that now? James was a bit of a loud mouth and may very well have told a lot of people. That didn't scare him. He was used to people avoiding him and talking about him behind his back and he could handle anyone who wanted to beat him up. What scared him were rumors about things that he didn't know. He knew he wasn't a drug dealer so those rumors meant absolutely nothing to him. But, if rumors spread about his sexuality, he couldn't confirm or deny them, even to himself.

The handle to the door moved under his hand and he walked in to find people huddled together in small, informal groups. A few even looked up at him, and he wondered what they thought? Was he a druggie arriving to ruin their meeting, or was he the new gay kid looking for friends? The latter would be better - and perfect for his cover - but all he really wanted was for someone to help him figure himself out.

In a way, this scared him more than any of his missions. At least on a mission, he knew he was out of his depth, but here, he felt as if he should be at home but instead only felt lost. He looked around the room for someone, anyone, he knew, hoping to find some connection. Surely in his nine years of schooling he had been friendly with a gay classmate before any of them had realized - he couldn't be the only one to bloom late. Fourteen wasn't even all that late for this kind of thing.

The room was mostly older students - not surprising that there were relatively few people from grade 9, he supposed. There was Brandon. Alex knew him from grade 7 when his parents had raised an issue about the bathroom policy. He hadn't understood at the time, but seeing him at this meeting provided information that he hadn't had a few years ago. A quick flash of guilt passed through Alex as he realized that he had only devoured information on being gay from the gay handbook. He would have to fix that, though he couldn't make himself feel too guilty. He had had less than a day for all of this, and when it doubt, blame Blunt.

Two more kids that Alex recognized that near Brandon - Kenny and Amber - along with three others that he didn't. Kenny was the first out gay kid in their year, during grade 8. Alex hadn't interacted with him much since they were on opposite class rotations, but what few interactions they had were friendly. Maybe they could be friends? He knew Amber well enough, though. They had shared two or three classes back in grade school, and he often played with and against her in sports.

And his asshole friend called her a dyke last week.

It was unfortunate, though Alex was a bit happy now that James had refused - vehemently - to come along. It was probably best that he learn to make friends without old baggage. Alex could only hope that Amber wouldn't hold a grudge against him for his social circle; hopefully his "defend the helpless" attitude that James had so mocked was a common thought about him. Before all the stuff with MI6, people knew to run to him for protection against bullies.

Alex pushed away any misgivings he felt and walked over to the group. "Hey, Amber," he said, taking a seat. "It's been a while. Not been around much for soccer lately."

She looked at him, momentary interest dancing in her eyes before they turned to something approaching pride, then anger, and then settling again on curiosity. "Alex Rider. I didn't expect to see you here."

"It's a surprise to me as well," he said. "It's all kind of new to me."

She looked as if she wanted to question him, but she didn't speak.

Alex looked over the group. Amber was a typical athletic girl, long dark-blond hair in a ponytail. Brandon had short, curly brown hair, and while his eyes were friendly, he didn't seem eager to talk. Kenny was smiling widely and had brown hair much shorter than Alex's own. He was dressed just stereotypically enough where Alex knew that he would be his 'mentor' if they could start a friendship.

"So, are any other people from our year here?" Alex asked, trying to make conversation. "I'm out of the loop - well, in general, plus, I've never really been in this particular loop."

Amber huffed. "Gathering intel?"

Alex's heart stopped for a split second. For one, he had been trying to be friendly, though had slipped into innocuous questions that would tell him more than those around him would realize. Second, how did she know he was a spy - though the feeling was erased as he noticed her displeasure. She probably thought he was sent here as one of James's cronies to harass her and her friends.

He was about to speak when Kenny spoke up. "Ignore her. She's still pissed off at your friend James. Well, we all are, though you weren't even in town when that happened. Plus," he whispered conspiratorially, "we heard some drama went down at lunch between you."

"You could say that," Alex admitted. Then he turned to Amber. "James did apologize about what he said to you, and seemed not to be an ass for a bit. But then he became unpleasant after I implied I might like," he gulped, "boys." He paused for a moment. "So if you want to shit talk him a bit, I'm all up for it."

"Kick the soccer ball at his head next time, and we have a deal."

"Hmm, such a good idea. I may claim it as my own."

"Sooo," Kenny drawled. "You like guys, then?"

Alex nodded slowly. "I'm still trying to figure it all out."

Kenny grinned widely - well, wider, as his face seemingly was a natural grin - before speaking. "Finally. I have been waiting for the rest of the guys in our year to come out of the closet. I was hoping coming out last year would help, but nope, just me and my lonesome."

Alex smiled. "To be fair, I was never in the closet. I only realized last night. I was thinking about the Wimbledon players…" He stopped himself before he revealed that he had worked there a few weeks back. How would he even explain that?

Kenny didn't seem to notice. "Straight from, well, straight to attending our club in one day. Very eager. Amber, Brandon, I like him. We're adopting him."

A small bit of shock shot through Alex at that word - adopt - but he didn't let it show outwardly. He just smiled as he was accepted into this group of people. He had known all of them for years individually, though not well, but now he felt like he was a part of something new and great. He just wished he could think of something other than the worrying thought in his mind.

Mission accomplished.

* * *

Kenny was a born leader. That was Alex's impression of him. The other boy was energetic and friendly and seemed to be the largest voice in his friend group. The most shocking part was when he stood up, walked to the front of the room, and started talking. Definitely a leader. His decision to come out in grade 8 was taking on a whole new light. Before, it struck Alex as a measure of loneliness, but now it was clear that he was a trailblazer.

"Welcome all to this week's meeting of the LGBT club," Kenny said. "Particular greetings to our new members!"

Alex felt himself smiling and nodding at his new friend's exuberance, and was even happier as he realized he was happy to call this person a friend.

Alex nodded along as Kenny announced plans for the week, including a meeting with the parent's association next Monday and an unofficial meeting at the community pool over the weekend. It was all good information, and the meeting at the pool may be fun and an excellent way to ingratiate himself into the club. Jack would love to go for a swim too if she weren't busy.

His attention piqued as Kenny began to talk about next week's conference.

"As we talked about last month, we will be attending the LGBT Youth Conference in Central London next Thursday, hosted by Leonel Smith. You will need a permission slip, so speak to me about that if you have not already turned one in. The trip is paid for so you have no reason not to come if you are able!"

Alex made a mental note to get a permission slip.

"Next Wednesday there will be no meeting so that you can do any homework needed for Thursday since we will be missing class. The bus leaves campus at noon on Thursday. Any questions?" He paused for a moment. "Okay, good. We'll now split up into pairs! Make a new friend!"

The next thing Alex knew, Kenny was next to him. He was almost taken aback but was too well-trained to show it. Kenny had a surprising ability to impress him with his sheer enthusiasm, something that had been lacking for him ever since Ian died.

"Partners, Alex?"

Alex looked up him and could only try to return a grin that matched the other boy's. "Sure!"

Kenny pulled out the chair next to him and straddled it to face him. "So, what do you want to talk about?"

"I… uhh. A lot of things," Alex said. His face was hot with embarrassment. "I am all new to this and have no idea what is going on. I was hoping to make some friend and figure myself out."

"Well, I can help with both of those!"

Alex felt his blush deepen. Was Kenny naturally excited or was he flirting with him? Neither possibility felt wrong.

"So, what now? Ugh, I sound stupid. I suck at social situations. I'm sure you have heard about my absences."

"There has been talk," Kenny admitted. He seemed almost embarrassed. "I don't think you're a drug dealer… not that there is anything wrong with that," he said holding up his hands in mock defense.

"Just been sick," Alex lied through a sweet smile.

"Are you feeling better? I would hope, your smile is radiant after all."

Alex felt his eyes widen. He was definitely blushing now and could only stutter as he tried to speak.

Kenny laughed. "I'm just messing with you. If you ever need anyone to visit you while you're out of school, let me know! I am going to star volunteering at the hospital next term."

"Thanks, ha ha." Alex rubbed the back of his neck. "Naturally, I am not planning to be out sick anytime soon, though I don't seem to have control over that." He didn't have to fight to keep the dark anger out of his voice as for once as he didn't feel any. Kenny's happiness was contagious - not that it would fully spread to him, Alex knew, but enough to stave off some of his darker thoughts.

Kenny continued smiling brightly. "You're funny."

"I don't typically feel a need to try," Alex said. "So, where does this go now?"

"The pairs game or the flirting?"

Alex coughed. "I'm can't say that I am certain."

"Shy?"

Alex shook his head. "Just…"

"Nervous?"

"Overwhelmed. Okay, maybe a little shy. Being out of school for so long has fucked me." Probably more of how the missions had affected him rather than the time spent absent, though he couldn't say that out loud.

"It gets better," Kenny said. His body was shaking with contained laughter. "You'll find more than bad luck to fuck you one day."

Damn puns, Alex thought sardonically, and then he found himself laughing along with him.

"Next question, next question," Kenny managed to say through his fading laughter. "Describe yourself with a color."

Alex took a moment to refill his lungs, then he started laughing again. "How do I even answer that?"

"I'll go first," Kenny snickered. "I would have to go with… Rainbow! Okay, too far, too far, I know. Just messing with you. Really, I would say a purple, a lighter shade. Not lavender, I'm not that gay, but definitely purple. Now you! Feel free to make something up."

Alex disguised his consideration with a chuckle that had never quite ceased. "Hmmm, blue. Dark blue, like navy."

Kenny nodded appreciatively. "A more vibrant dark blue. You have a fire in you Alex, I can feel it - and the dark blue perfectly captures your mysterious past."

Alex raised a brow. "Mysterious past? It's hardly mysterious."

"Oh?"

Alex let a devious grin cross his face. "To me."

Kenny smiled. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah," Alex said. Was his new friend about to ask him out? It felt so fast, but his heart was beating wildly in his chest.

"Are you going to the conference next week?"

Alex exhaled, more relieved than disappointed. More importantly, he was reminded of his mission. "Yeah, definitely!"

Kenny grinned. "I'll be right back," he said as he stood up and ran to the front of the room. He came back with a sheet of paper. "This is the permission slip, get your uh… I don't know who you live with," he said sheepishly, "but get them to sign it by Friday."

"Got it," he said as he took the paper - and he noticed with a disturbing degree of excitement that a business card was stapled to the top of the paper with the name and address of Leonel Smith's Dentistry Practice.

Then he smiled at Kenny. "I live with Jack, she's my housekeeper. And one of my best friends," he added proudly.

"I'd love to meet her."

"Of course," Alex said. Kenny was so forward, which was like a breath of fresh air. He could tell that his new friend and Jack would get along. "I was thinking of inviting her to your pool party this weekend!"

"Nice! I can't wait to hang out with you more!"

Very forward.

"Well, I would love to make new friends…" Alex stopped mid-sentence as Kenny held his phone out.

"Put your number in, I'll text you. Some of us are meeting at Starbucks tomorrow afternoon if you would like to come."

"I'm in," Alex said. He put his number in Kenny's phone, chatted for a bit more, then left as most of the other people began to, satisfied with his new friend. He couldn't wait to get home and tell Jack!

That may have been his hunger talking though.

* * *

Please let me know if you are enjoying :)


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